Friends and facebook and Angst

It's been a while since I've done a blog but I'm back again and I have a few things to say about Friendship and facebook and angst.  

Facebook is a funny place when you think about it. It is a virtual world where we connect with people that we might have actually met and those that are, for all intense and purposes, simply phantoms in our lives.

We go to a page and we say we like the subject and we can exchange words with others. We can do that over and over and we will 'friend' or be 'friended' by those we come in contact with. Those with similar likes. In that respect I've been very fortunate in that I'm a member of communities of women who share some of the same loves that I do.  

There are women in those 'Pages' that I admire and respect. I admire the talent and the character they share with the world. I respect that they are individuals who have private lives and lines that shall not be crossed. We are 'friends' in a virtual world that exists in cyberspace and nowhere else. These are not the people you will run into while you're shopping for groceries or filling your car with gas.

Unless you are invited to do so there are lines that should not be crossed with those you know from facebook. You don't ask for names, addresses or phone numbers. If that information is offered that is one thing but it should not be sought. And if private information is offered without reason or inappropriately flags should be rising all over the place.

Whenever there is even the hint of something funky make a copy, do a screen print. Document even the slightest incident because someday it may come in handy. If someone gives you pause for thought once make note of it and it there is a repeat run in the other direction as fast as you can and block them from all avenues of access that you think they may try.

Last but not least do not engage in discussions on the pros and cons of your action. Warn those you know might be effected about a potential danger and disengage. The person sending off warning bells and raising flags will have defenders who may take issue with your action. In the end you can't take that into account. You may respect those defenders but that doesn't mean you need to change your mind. Stick you your guns.

There will be angst. You might be criticized and loose a virtual friend or two. Ignore it. Trust your instincts and know that you've done the right thing. If a person you've never met and you have no true relationship with 'unfriends' you haven't really lost anything except a few lines of type on a screen.  

Now you all go ahead and have a wonderful time. Play games, chat and enjoy. Just be careful out there.

      

Stars and Celebrity

It used to be that when you called someone a Star it meant something. It meant that they had reached a level of fame or accomplishment in their field. Think of Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig in baseball or Cary Grant and John Wayne in the movies. We knew a star because they did something that stood out above the normal. That being said I take exception to the new show NBC is touting that they call “Stars Earn Stripes”.  To call Todd Palin a ‘star’ is ludicrous. Dean Cain is a fine journeyman actor but I don’t think he is a ‘star’.  And the other participants are not what you can call the best in their fields. The exception is Gen. Wesley Clark who was once the commander of NATO. I’m guessing that he’s in it purely for the money and is laughing all the way to the bank.

I once heard the phrase that he who praises everyone praises no one. If Todd Palin qualifies as a star how do we classify Michael Phelps. People who are famous for being famous, think Paris Hilton or the Kardashians, did nothing to earn their fame. They rode in on the coat tails of family fame or notoriety. Conrad Hilton built a chain of hotels and Robert Kardashian was a well thought of attorney. The fact that they were at the top of their field should not make their progeny celebrities.

When my niece and nephew were kids and we would talk to them about movies and the actors who appeared in them we told them that some actors were stars and some stars were actors BUT not all actors were stars. Spencer Tracey was an actor who was a star too. John Wayne was a star who acted. Frank Faylen, Thomas Mitchell and Edgar Buchanan were all fine actors and none of them were stars.  

Stars had qualities the put them above the rest. We have diminished the term STAR when we apply it to people who have done nothing to earn the title. Please folks Lets be sure someone deserves title before we apply it to them.

That’s my rant for the day. You may now return to your normal activities.   

Possibilities

     Did you ever get a word stuck in your head? For the better part of a week the word Possibilities has been stuck in mine.
     The thing is we are faced with endless possibilities each and every day. The possibility we have to say 'Good Morning' to a stranger, or a friend, and bring a smile to someone's face or to pass someone and say nothing and let them continue on, feeling invisible to the rest of the world.
     We have infinite possibilities as to the food we eat, the books we read the shows we watch and the movies we see. Our choices may bring us joy, hope, love or even death.
     The dictionary defines a possibility as something that may be, exist or happen. Once upon a time we were all a possibility. What if your mother or father had not believed in the possibility of love?
     We think of about the "What if's" of life and play with possibilities. What would we do if we won the lottery? What would happen if we were brave enough to say hello to that stranger? It's easy and fun to do when we consider the future but can be sad and depressing when we play that game with the past. What if they hadn't taken that turn? What if they had gone to the movie on a different night? What if I made that phone call or had said I was sorry?
          We don't know what the future holds and the past has already happened and must be borne. But the next time you you need to make a choice think of all the wonderful things that may happen. You may meet someone who will bring joy and love into your life. And the possibility may make you brave and change your life for the better.  

"Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult." 
— Anne Rice (Interview with the Vampire)
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." 
— Anaïs Nin (The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934)

Happily Ever After?

     I recently wrote a short story and I ended it with the corny old line..."And they lived happily ever after".
     When I was a child and someone read a story with that ending it usually meant the heroine married her prince and they went off to live in happiness and splendor for the remainder of their lives. But then I started to think just what that line means these days.
     When I was in my twenties and friends were getting married it meant a wonderful wedding and honeymoon followed by the newlyweds getting out of that first apartment, moving into a home and having children.
     When the thirties hit living happily meant having a decent job, travelling and visiting with married friends and their growing families on those rare occasions when they had a free day to spend chatting and catching up.
     In my forties living happily, note the "Ever After" is now long gone, meant that parents, if you still had them, were healthy and thriving and that the teenagers or young adults in your life were interested in the world around them and not self obsessed or substance abusers.  
     By the time I reached my fifties my friends and I prayed that our jobs held out till we reached  retirement age. We put as much money into saving for retirement as was possible and hoped the people that ran the banks and stock market don't screw up too badly. My friends prayed their kids were able to keep their jobs and either finally move out or that they don't move back. We all prayed for the strength to take care of the people we love that might need us in a crisis. And we prayed for no crisis to strike.
     Once the sixties happened I learned that for me living happily meant loosing my job, collecting Social Security, and living my life honestly. For me that meant coming out. (Yes...in case you've been living under a rock, I'm a lesbian.)
     Along the line I learned that even in a life that is relatively happy there are losses. Parents and their contemporaries die. You lose friends to death and circumstances and sometimes the loss will rock you to your foundation. But you get up and keep getting up and eventually you start looking for happiness again.
     For me happiness was discovering facebook and communities of women with interests similar to mine. It means finding friends on the other side of the world. It means having time to read wonderful books. It means time to write a couple of stories of my own.
So did I get my "Happily Ever After"? Not quite all of it but then my story isn't over yet.
     I see a lot of happiness on the horizon. Friends are still falling in love so I know that the possibility  exists. My family moves into the future with my niece expecting her first child come October. And the people I love are healthy.
    You can't ask for a lot more than that.

 

Father's Day, Friendship and Pride

     It's 06/17/2012. Father's Day. If you saw the post I did on facebook yesterday you know that my Dad has been gone many years. I miss him and my mother every day. I miss my grandparents too. The two I was lucky enough to know and the two I never met. I often wonder what life would have been had all my grandparents survived into their 60's or later.
     What I do know is that the loss of her parents while she was young made my mother very aware of the importance of family. The support and love that only family can provide was critical to her. It is because of her love and care of family that my siblings and I are close. They are a blessing in my life and were it not for a wonderful set of parents I would not have the angels I call Eileen, Skip and Karen in my life.
     So Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there. Remember that the love you show your children today will be paid forward in the love they show to the people who will be our future.
                                                       **************************

     I was lucky enough to spend a part of last week with my dear friend Linda. We have been friends for a very long time. We met back when we were kids slaving away coding for an insurance company. (We basically filled in sheets of paper with numbers so they could be key punched onto data cards and then transmitted to the main office the company. Does anyone remember those old keypunch cards?)
     We laughed and joked and even after more than forty years we discovered new things about each other. We remembered the past, discussed the present and dreamed about our futures. What more can anyone ask from a friend.
     I often wish that she lived closer and that we could spend more nights staying up and laughing uproariously but I'll take what the good Lord and our travel budgets allow and say Thanks.
                                                      *****************************

     Life is going along very well for me these days. I have family, old friends and new friends who bless my life and keep it from being dull, boring and barren.
     The fear and tension that I carried with me for so many years has disappeared since I let the people that love me know that I'm a lesbian. I'm so blessed because everyone who loves me wants me only to be happy. Not a single person important to me turned away.
     I added this last section only because June is Pride month. I'm proud to be the person I am. I'm proud I have the family and friends I have.
   
     Basically I'm a very lucky person. I hope that anyone who takes the time to read this is equally as blessed.     Thanks.

                                             
      

    

Just about me....

I've been thinking for a while what this next piece should be about and it has to be about what has been happening with me recently. 

After many years of fear and worry and a lot of denial things hit a critical point for me recently and I came out as a lesbian to my closest family and friends. Now I'm coming out to anyone who may take the time to read this blog. 

I recently wrote the following to a niece and nephew:

There are things in this life that we all have problems dealing with. The biggest thing I have had a problem with is that when I was in my forties I came to realize and accept the fact that I am a lesbian.  I think it was something I always knew on some level but that I was afraid to know on another.  I know that is a very contradictory statement but that’s how it goes.

I can remember the first book I read with a gay character and I can remember distinctly the first time I heard the word lesbian. There was something about being a female and homosexual that resonated inside me. It just took me forever to figure it out and admit it.

My youngest sister told me she had known for years and was simply waiting for me to say something. My other sister hugged me and told me she loved me. My brother did not hesitate to tell me he loved me and wanted me to be happy. The friends I told could not fathom why I was afraid to tell them. Every single person who has been told has offered nothing but love and support.

This revelation had been building for years.

It was the friendship I found in an on-line group that brought me to the point where I could no longer hide who I am. The support, humor and example of these wonderful women have been invaluable to me. I feel blessed to have become acquainted with them.

Coming out has been a positive experience for me. I no longer worry that I’ll say or do something that would cause someone to question me or look askance. The fear I woke up with each morning and fell asleep with each night is no longer present.

If reading this causes you to think less of me, well that’s your problem, not mine.

I still like movies, books and trivia. I still love my family and friends.

I will be the me I have always been….but happier.

***********************************************************************************  

And now a couple of Quotes: 

No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step.  ~Author Unknown

Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul.  They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.  ~Bruce Bawer

Easter 2012

For Easter I was going to put a picture of an Easter Basket out on facebook; the kind the Easter Bunny left when I was a kid. There was a problem with that...there was nothing close in all the pictures I found on Google. We didn't get movies or toys, we got eggs and candy. Generally we each got a large coconut creme egg that mom bought from school or a hollow chocolate bunny. There were the eggs we colored the night before that usually became egg salad within a day or two. And of course there were jelly beans. I'm not talking about the designer jelly beans that became so popular during the Reagan administration; I'm talking the cheapest jellybeans a mom on a budget could buy. There were some small chocolate or coconut eggs along with some speckled malted milk ball eggs that were thrown in to round things out. These were all lovingly placed in baskets made with straw or colored plastic strips that were padded on the bottom with crumpled newspaper that was then covered with pink, green or yellow cellophane straw. As kids we were thrilled to get these baskets but most kids today would find them lacking.  


And this I posted on facebook yesterday. I'm including it here for those of you who don't do the whole social media thing.
When I was a kid Easter was the one holiday we could count on my father being home for the day. I guess from about the time I was 7 or 8 we would go to church and then we would take a series of buses and trolleys and to go visit my Great-aunt Katie. She was a nun and was stationed at in parish in No. Philadelphia. The convent she lived in was a series of 3 or 4 connected rowhouses that had a connected and enclosed front porch. My mother would dress us all in our new clothes and the nuns stationed with Aunt Katie all made a fuss. We would go to the music room and hit the piano keys or take one of the rockers on that front porch and rock it till it moved from one end of that highly waxed floor to the other. When we left the convent we went out to dinner and then rushed home to get to our Easter baskets.
I hope all of you have happy memories to look back on this weekend.


One other thing and I'm gone...   Today is April 7th. It would have been my parent's 65th wedding anniversary. My dad has been gone since 1976 and my mom passed away in 1993. They gave me a some wonderful gifts. The best gifts being Eileen, Skipper and Karen. I love my parents and think of them every day. Every year for Easter and Mother's Day my father bought my mother an orchid corsage. If things work as I hope they do you'll see a picture of one with this post.  

HAPPY EASTER ALL!!!!!!!!!!!